All posts by larrycohen28

I'm a short Jewish guy who's been working in the IT field for a very long time. I started out as a Math Teacher, and my college degree is in Secondary Education Specializing In Math. So what is a math/computer guy doing writing about stuff that has nothing to do with either? Well, frankly, I'm doing what I love to do. The IT job pays the bills, allows me to travel to foreign lands, to have two cats and a dog, and a new car and motorcycle. Don't get me wrong. I like what I do for a living, but ultimately it's a means to an end. Writing is my passion. Writing about most anything. Writing forces me to think, to learn more about the world around me, about history, philosophy, psychology, politics, etc. In other words, writing forces me to read and be knowledgable. Reading makes me smart, and I like being smart. So I'm going to continue writing, and I going to continue writing about topics that stretch my current knowledge and wisdom so that I can learn and grow and become a better human being.

Vote on the Facts, not on the mud slinging.

I find myself extremely disturbed this morning.  This article that I write is an article about something that I despise, and it’s not the usual story I write about my cute little Cavachon Ubi.  I wish it was that kind of story.  I could make you laugh, cry, or at least smile and go “Awwwwww…”, as you look at the pictures of his cute little face.  Sorry, not today folks.

This article is about “Pa Pa Pa Politics.”  There, I said it.  I hate writing about this because to me, these days, politics is about a bunch of mud slinging.  Instead of candidates having character, being likable, and having a good plan for the country if they are elected, this upcoming election is about who’s campaign has done a better job of hiring people to write negative ads about the other candidate, and write them with such bias, and misrepresentation of facts that they make the other candidate look downright evil.

Case in point.  I recently watched an ad about a court case in 1975, where Hilary Clinton defended a 41 year old man who was accused of First Degree Rape of a 12 year old girl.  So what is the controversy?  Well, the ad states that Mrs. Clinton lied, suppressed evidence, laughed about the case when being interviewed about it, got the defendant off on 2 months time served, accused the 12 year old girl of wanting to be with an older man, and fantasizing about being raped, and so on…

Some of these facts are true, but they are taken so out of context, and so misrepresented, that anyone who would just watch the article and not check on the facts would consider Hilary Clinton to be the spawn of hell.

I decided to check the facts.  The links below are examples of the articles I read.  These articles do confirm some of the facts, but they also put them into perspective.  In fact, these articles go so far as to include additional damning, that if not checked, would further harm Mrs. Clinton’s character.

There are other articles out there which I also read.  Many of the articles were clearly  biased.  I tried to pick the ones that were simply checking facts.  I encourage you to please read the articles I have included here, but also to read any other articles you find about this court case, and the actions of Hilary Clinton and everyone involved in the court case, Please, do not just go by what this one flawed human is saying.  If you do, that is just as bad as watching the ad I saw, not checking the facts, and taking it at face value.  In fact, this is the whole point of this article that I am writing today.

Just a side note.  One of the articles I have included is from Snopes.  I recently heard a rumor that the CEO of Snopes was arrested on charges of fraud and corruption.  Come to find out that this was originally published by a website called “The People’s Cube”.  “The People’s Cube” is a website that publishes political humor and satire.  Hmm…

What I’m not going to do is summarize these articles for you.  I am not a journalist, and I won’t try to convince you that I have enough experience to be presenting this story from every angle.  Sorry people.  You will have to form your own opinion, based on the evidence.  I am only trying to convince you to look at the evidence.

Another item that I must speak of, is that this article is not a defense of Hilary Clinton.  It is an encouragement to look beyond these garbage, mud slinging ads, that have no relevance to the election before us.  I can’t make anyone do anything, but I’m fired up enough about this that I felt I needed to write it down.

Also, I am non-partisan.  I am not a registered Republican or Democrat.  To decide who to vote for, I look at the candidates, their plans, vs. their promises, their solutions rather than their complaints, and I look at what they have done politically in the past.  In the case of Trump, these will have to be extended to his business experience, because he has no political experience.  That does not mean he will make a bad president.

I watched the debate last night.  Without making judgments, I feel it was clear who was better prepared.  Not for the presidency, but for the debate.  Will this be the same in the next two debates?  Who knows.  But I would rather be making my decision of voting choice based on who I think will be able to carry the weight of this enormous responsibility.  The debates help with that, but they are not everything.

Again, I encourage you to make your choice of who to vote for, not because of sensationalist ads, but because you have done your research, and you truly believe that your candidate will do a better job in office.  When you see these negative ads, before you make a judgement, I encourage you to check the facts.  Scrutinize them!  You are making a very important decision based on what you believe to be true, so shouldn’t it be important to you to be absolutely sure that it is true?

Or, you could do no research and go with your gut feeling.  Sometimes it’s enough just to have faith.  Right?  Faith in God?  Perhaps, if you believe in God.  I’ll tell you what though.  Presidential candidates are not God.  Especially these two.  In fact, I sometimes say “Oh My God!  What has this world come to?”, while wondering if these are really the best two 3people out of 300,000,000 that we could come up with to be President of the United States.  It’s a competition of who we dislike less!

So that’s my rant for the moment.  The articles are here to read if you wish.  I wish I could figure out how to get the video I watched out of Facebook and onto my blog, but I struggled with that for about an hour and gave up.  I will ask the original poster if he would be willing to send me the video, or tell me where it is, and if successful I’ll post it at a later time, or as an amendment to this article.

Thanks for reading!


It Wasn’t Until Last Night That I Knew


By now, if you have read my earlier postings, you have met Ubi, and you know that he is a Cavachon.  You also know that a Cavachon is the lucky offspring of Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, and a Bichon Frise.  I say lucky because, well, just look at him.  Look into his eyes.  My neighbor gets credit for this picture.  She dropped her keys and he started to eat them, but she got him to look up at her long enough to capture one of the best photos of him to date.  Every time I look at it, and look at those eyes, tears come to mine.

I am so blessed to have this guy in my life.  He is teaching me so much about patience, tolerance and understanding.  So far he has gone through several USB chargers for my phone, and two power supplies for my Microsoft Surface Pro 4 at $80 a piece.  He has destroyed several of his toys in an explosion of fluff.  He has peed and pooped all over the area rug and hardwood floor in my living room, but that’s ok.  I purchased the rug just for him.  It’s made of polypropylene.  And yes, I can’t find half of my socks.  I’m sure they will turn up somewhere one I find his hiding place.

I tried letting him sleep in bed with me, and at first that worked out just fine.  But then he decided it was more fun to kiss me than go to sleep.  I don’t mind him kissing me, but not when I’m trying to fall asleep.  So now I’m putting him in his crate by my bed until he is a little older and learns that when the lights go out it’s time for bed.

As you know, Ubi broke his leg.  He healed spectacularly.  To watch him run is a wonderful sight.  He is so fast.  We are in puppy class right now, and he is the smallest puppy in the room by far, but he doesn’t care.  During play time he plays with the bigger boys and girls and loves it when he can get them to chase him.

So what is it that I didn’t know until last night?  Well another neighbor was over with her dog, and Ubi was playing with her and the other dog, and me.  Ubi is so friendly to everyone.  He loves it when people visit.  He runs up to them with so much enthusiasm.  He is just so irresistible.  I’m very happy about this.  I want a dog that people don’t have to be afraid of when the come in to my home.  I really hope he stays this way.  But there’s also a part of me that wants him to be attached to me more so than others.  I want him to know that I am his caretaker, and that I am, well, his Daddy.  But I figured, if he is friendly with everyone, I guess that’s good enough.  At least I don’t have to worry about him biting anyone.

But last night something happened and I knew.  While we were playing, with my neighbor there, and the other dog there, and new bully sticks that the dogs were chewing on, I had to go upstairs to make sure the doors were closed, so the dogs didn’t get into anything up there.  So I go upstairs, and I’m closing the doors, and I turn around, and there was Ubi.  No bully stick, neighbor and other dog downstairs, but there he was, looking up at me, seemingly with relief that I didn’t leave the house through some hidden exit in my bedroom.  What did I know?  I think you know what I knew.

Protecting Ubi


Since I’ve had this little guy, I’ve had to do a lot to protect him.  In some ways I’ve succeeded, and in some ways I’ve failed.  For example, Ubi has a broken leg.  I take sole responsibility for that because I shouldn’t have fallen asleep with him on the couch with me.  Even though the seat of the couch is only 2 feet off the ground, that’s a long way for a puppy that stands less than 6 inches tall on all 4’s.

Now my job is to keep him calm.  Although he seems oblivious to the broken leg, and can run around my house like a mad man if I let him, I’m really not supposed to let him.  This means that I have to put up with a lot of crying and whining when he is in his crate, but really wants to be running around like a puppy is supposed to.  I hate doing it, but it’s for his own good.  He doesn’t blame me.  When I let him out he doesn’t show resentment.  He’s just happy to be out, and he licks my face and toes and follows me around like a little shadow.

There are some things though, that I hate to protect him against.  These are things that are outside of the house, and outside of my control.  Like trash on the ground for example.  Especially cigarette butts.  Today, for the second time since I’ve owned him, he managed to find a cigarette butt and pick it up in his mouth.  Luckily each time I saw it right away, and picked him up, prying his mouth open and pulling it from his teeth.  I wish I could say I got all of it both times, but I know that a little tobacco went down his little throat.  In fact, if he were acting sick at all I would have taken him to the emergency vet.

Now I can’t sit here on my high horse and say that I don’t know how smokers can just put their cigarettes out anywhere, because I used to be a smoker, and I used to do it myself.  But I’ll tell you what, if I ever started smoking again, which God forbid I hope I never will, I know now what damage I’m doing to the environment, and what little mouths might be getting poisoned because of my actions.  I would never smoke in the house where I’d be poluting the air that my little puppy breaths, and I’d always put out my cigarette in a proper receptacle.  After all, why should he suffer because I have a nasty habit.  You know, I may not even have a puppy, because the nicotine would get on my fingers, and if he licked my fingers he would ingest the nicotine.  Smoking is truly insidious, and it affects everyone and everything around us.

Did you know that nicotine is an insecticide?  That’s right, it’s a poison for insects.  Most of natures creatures don’t go near it, because they know it’s bad for them.  Little puppies don’t know any better.  They are domesticated, and have lost most of their natural instincts.  That’s why it’s up to us to protect them.  Ubi wouldn’t be able to survive out in the wild.  He wouldn’t have a clue how to hunt his food.  He’s such a friendly little guy that he wouldn’t know friend from enemy of all the creatures in the wild.  And he would eat cigarettes that only we humans consume, because we are the only creatures stubborn enough to do so.

Don’t get me wrong.  I have bad habits.  I’m not trying to preach.  I’m just asking anyone who might be putting their trash on the ground to stop and think before you do it.  Think about what little mouths might be picking it up later on.  Think about what cute little puppies you may be killing.

Ubi Has A Peg Leg


It was 4:00 am this past Wednesday night.  Just like the past 3 nights, Ubi was sleeping with me on the couch.  I felt this was safe because my couch is so low to the ground.  The highest point is no more than 2 feet above the ground.  Unlike the past 3 nights, at 4:00 am I woke up to a thud, and then loud screeching.  “Oh no!  Ubi!”, I cried out loud.

I got up and turned on the light and picked him up.  He was shaking violently and yelping.  I comforted him as best I could, stroking him, as he looked up at me with those all too expressive eyes.  I knew he was in severe pain.

Eventually he stopped shaking and squealing though, and I put him on the ground to see if he was limping.  He wasn’t putting any weight on his right rear leg.  He limped over to his crate, stepped inside, and lied down and went to sleep.  I closed the door to his crate, and decided to wait until morning to take him to the vet since he wasn’t complaining anymore and he was resting.

The next morning I called the vet at 7:00 am, right when they opened, and they got me an appointment at 9:00 am.  An x-ray showed a broken tibia in his right rear leg.  I felt so bad.  I felt like I used very poor judgement and I could never forgive myself.

The picture above was from when I picked him up from the vet a little bit later.  You can tell he’s frowning.  My frown is fake, but inside it wasn’t.  I told the vet tech that I just felt horrible.  She reminded me that I’ve never had a puppy before, and sometimes lessons have to be learned the hard way.  She said that she had no hesitation sending him home with me because she and everyone else there knew that I would do right by him.

It turns out that Ubi doesn’t need his cone collar because he can get to the bandage anyway.  A friend at work had a good idea, which was to spray Bitter Apple on it.  Today I am having to slow Ubi down because he doesn’t appear to be in any pain, and he’s flying around my condo like nothing happened.  He has definitely learned how to use his peg leg, and it doesn’t deter him from playing.  It pains me to stop him and slow him down because I know he has a ton of energy and he just wants to play, but the more he puts weight on the peg leg, the longer it will take to heal.

So I’ve learned a big lesson, and as I finish this up with Ubi at my feet barking at me to play with him, all I can think about is that this could have been much worse.  Everyone tells me that he will heal quickly because he is a puppy.  I’m looking forward to the day when he gets the bandage off and is released from bondage.  In the meantime, I will consider this to be a character building exercise.  Not for Ubi, but for me.

Ubi is a Chic Magnet


First, let me just say that I didn’t purchase this puppy because I knew he would be a chic magnet.  I purchased him because I wanted a dog, and he was a breed that was perfect for my lifestyle.  He just happened to turn out to be a chic magnet also, and I’m not complaining about that.

For example, I was at the eye doctor the other day, and one of the opticians looked to be around my age, or maybe a little younger.  I showed her and the other ladies there pictures of Ubi and the usual comments commenced.  “Oh, he’s so cute!”  “He’s adorable!”, and all the other ones I usually hear.

Then this one woman said, “You know how they say dogs look like their owners?”  She started going into  specifics about my big eyes, and his big eyes, and my hair and his hair.  She went on and on, so I took this as a compliment, and as an opening, and I asked her out.

Before I go any further, let me say that I checked, and she was not wearing a ring.  So the next thing out of her mouth was somewhat of a surprise.  “I’m married.”  So guys, tell me if I’m right or wrong here.  If a woman is giving me compliments, and is not wearing a ring, then I should not have any hesitation in asking her out, right?  And if said woman is married, she should be wearing her ring, and even if she happened to forget it that day, she certainly shouldn’t be flirting so obviously with a stranger like me.

It just isn’t fair!  In fact it’s mean!  Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t think this woman was trying to purposely hurt me, but I am not a stupid person.  I know flirting when I see it, and that is what she was doing.  She was giving me an opening, only to slam it shut once I tried to use it.

Oh well, I’m not going to linger.  It is always nice to get a compliment.  I just wish single women would do that every once in a while.  I do know one thing though.  I’m bringing Ubi, or pictures of Ubi wherever I go from now on, because it creates an opening.  Ubi certainly is a chic magnet.

I love you Ubi!  Now go find Daddy a girlfriend!  Good boy!

New Beginnings

After my 52 lb mutt passed on Dec 09, 2015, I was very sad for several weeks.  Being single with no children, I found myself to be very lonely, with nothing to come home to.  I’ve always had this strong desire to take care of something, and when Jamaica died, a part of me died inside as well.

I knew I’d be getting another dog, but I thought I’d wait for a little while.  Taking care of Jamaica toward the end became expensive because of all of the medications she was on, and because of the many trips to the vet.  Plus, I was still getting out of bed, looking down to make sure I didn’t step on her as she would always sleep on blankets right next to my bed, every night.

So I thought I would save a little money, and although I missed her terribly, I figured I’d take advantage of the new freedom I had.  I no longer had to worry about how late I stayed at work.  I no longer had to worry about taking her for walks, even in the coldest or wettest weather.  I no longer had to worry about whether or not the dog walker was doing his job and taking her for the full, 20 minute walks she was supposed to be getting every day while I was at work.

But the result of all of this is that I wasn’t doing much of anything.  I would come home from work, sit in front of the TV for a few hours, and fall asleep on the couch watching TV.  I was sinking deeper and deeper into depression, but I was bound and determined not to get another dog until the Spring.

Needless to say, if you have looked at my pictures above, this is not the way things worked out.  For a long time before Jamaica died, I had been researching what type of dog I’d want next.  Don’t get me wrong.  Jamaica was a wonderful dog, but I took a big chance with her.  I got her from a no kill shelter and just assumed that love could conquer all.  For the most part, it did.  Jamaica was a loyal, loving pet.  But there were some traits about her that I knew I’d want to be different in any other dog that I chose to raise as a pet.

Instead of speaking negatively about Jamaica though, I’d rather just state what I was looking for, and which I could only get by getting a dog which was bred to have these traits.  I wanted a dog that didn’t shed.  I wanted a dog that was hypo-allergenic.  I wanted a smaller dog for which exercising in my condo, plus a couple of good walks a day would be enough.  I wanted a dog that would be friendly with other animals and friendly with people, especially people that were guests in my home.  I wanted a dog that was smart, easily trainable, and obedient.

After doing some research, and asking around, I came up with the Cavachon.  A Cavachon if you didn’t already know is a cross between a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and a Bichon Frise.  A true Cavachon is first generation only, and thus they are rare.  So once I decided on this breed, it was a challenge to find a reputable breeder.  After checking a few out, Lynne Kaiser of “Smooch My Pups” was highly recommended to me.  The problem was, she is up in Michigan, and I live in Northern Virginia.  This turned out not to be a problem.  Lynne sells Cavachons to remote buyers all the time.  She sent me several pictures, and I had one picked out pretty quickly because he was about the cutest thing I’d every seen.

Then Lynne sent me some videos of him playing, and I knew I had made the right choice.  I had already picked out his name before I’d even met him.  I am a Linux Systems Administrator, and Ubuntu is a Linux Operating System.  So that would be his name, Ubuntu.  I knew nobody would call him that, so I shortened it to Ubi (pronounced oobee).

On Tuesday, Jan 26, I picked Ubi up from the airport, and held him in my arms for the first time.  He and his carrier were both covered in poop and pee, so when I got him home I immediately gave him a bath.  The poor guy was so cold.  I dried him off and held his 3 lb body tightly against me wrapped in blankets until he stopped shaking.  He briefly fell asleep against my chest.

After he was dry, I let him down, and the fun began.  I had a ton of toys, hand me downs from Jamaica.  They were all bigger than Ubi.  He played with them anyway.  He ran around my condo like he had always lived here.  He was happy and having fun.

So after one week of playing, pooping on the floor, peeing on the floor, but doing both outside most of the time, learning fetch in 3 minutes, learning sit in 10 minutes, running around at dog playcare like he owns the place, following me around the house like I am his daddy and best friend, being friendly to house guests, and having an extra long vet appointment because the vet techs didn’t want to stop playing with him, all I can say is I’m exhausted.  Well, that’s not all.  I am so in love with this little guy, that I would do absolutely anything for him.

Ubi has brought joy back into my home.  Although some days I go to work with my eyes half open, it’s all worth it.  To watch him play, to hold him in my arms while I’m watching TV, as he falls asleep on my lap.  I can’t tell you the beauty of this.

I love you Ubi!

Rediscovering Ramen Noodles and Macaroni and Cheese

Being unemployed is very humbling, but it’s teaching me a lot about budgeting, and keeping my expenses in check.  I’ve had to cut way back in a lot of areas.  No vacation to Africa this year.  No more delivery pizza or Chinese food.  No more steak dinners at Outback.  Regular gas for me, even though my car performs better on premium.  I can survive turning the thermostat up a couple of degrees, even though I might sweat a little bit more.  Maybe I don’t need the water to be so hot in the shower, and the shower doesn’t need to be so long.  Generic prescriptions at Walmart are cheaper than the Giant Food or Rite Aid which are far more convenient.  Water out of the tap is just fine.  Bottled water is a luxury I just can’t afford right now.  Do I really need to rent a movie on Vudu for $5.99 or should I just watch one on Netflix which only costs me $8.00 per month.  Oh, and I certainly can’t forget about the Ramen Noodles and Macaroni and Cheese.

88 cents for 6 packs of Ramen noodles.  Can’t beat that price.  I can mix that with some pre-sliced chicken breast, and some spinach and mushrooms, and maybe some canned pees of black beans.  I don’t use the nasty flavor packets.  Just the plain noodles mixed with just about anything.  Macaroni and cheese mixed with some of these things are good too.  It’s amazing what you can discover, or in this case rediscover in the grocery store that is so inexpensive, and yet still very tasty.

What hurts me though is having to cut back on pet food as well.  No more Blue Buffalo.  There are other good foods that are not as expensive.  I asked the vet for advice on that one and other ways I could save.  The vet is being very nice and allowing me to email her when there is a problem to see if the problem can be resolved with free advice.  She is also giving me free supplements which my dog needs in her old age when she has them available.

I have a job interview on Monday.  I’m not going to try to predict how that will turn out, but even if I get the job and I wind up keeping it for a while, I’m still actually going to be grateful for this time in my life.  I’m learning once again how to be thrifty.  After all, there once was a time when I was making far less than I was making when I got laid off and I figured out how to survive.  In fact, I was living on less when my mortgage was higher, and I had a car payment which I don’t have right now.  I must have just forgotten about this time in my life at some point, but somehow I figured out a way to pay all of my bills, and eat and take care of pets on much less that I was making.  To find my way back to that time, I had to ask for help and wound up speaking with a financial counselor.  She helped me get my priorities straight, and figure out how to pay all of my bills, and still keep some money aside for an emergency.  My Dad helped me find this free service.  It’s amazing what happens when you ask for help.

Yeah, I think I’m going to be eating Ramen noodles and Macaroni and Cheese even after I get a job.  I’m learning some valuable lessons here about the importance of saving as much as you can for a rainy day or week or month or year.  I was saving money, but I could have been saving more just by making a few simple changes.  Maybe that’s why this happened.  Maybe this happened to teach me some humility and gratitude.  Maybe this happened so that I don’t take a job for granted.  Maybe this happened to help me to realize just how much I can tolerate and still have a positive attitude.  Everything happens for a reason.  I’ll never forget this time in my life, that’s for sure.  I can only control so much of what happens in my life.  Eating Ramen noodes and Macaroni and Cheese is certainly something that is under my control.

The Road To Gratitude

So it’s almost 10:00 on a Tuesday evening, and I’m not tired yet.  I don’t want to watch TV.  I don’t really have anything to do, hmmm…  Oh!  I haven’t written in my blog in a while.

I haven’t really been doing much of anything lately to be honest with you.  When some stuff happened in my life, I crawled into a shell, and ultimately wound up extremely depressed.

Now first, I want to warn you, because I’m about to talk about God.  Not the traditional God that many people think of.  I’m not a Christian, and even though I’m Jewish I still don’t believe that Jewish parts of the Bible are meant to be taken literally.  I’m not even talking about an all powerful, omnicient being, that guides our every day lives.  In fact, I’m not talking about anything predefined.  The word God is what we use to describe something that means different things to different people.  I’m going to use that word for brevity sake, but really what I mean is, higher power, and by that I mean anything that is more powerful than me.  Myself and a friend.  Together we are more powerful than me alone.  Myself and a group of friends.  Even better.  Myself and a group of friends and loving family members.  Or maybe it’s not people for you.  Maybe it is the God of the Bible.  The point is it doesn’t matter.  What I’m talking about is anything that you feel can help you when you need help, better than you can help yourself, or, anything that can help you help someone else better than you can help them yourself.  For the rest of this reading, God = hire power.

God has helped me a lot lately.  When I found myself in my depression, just wanting to stay in my hole and not deal with the situation I was going through, some very loving, caring people in my life gave me some help that I needed.  First, it was my family, and I didn’t really need to ask too hard for that help.  All I needed to do was pick up the phone and say, this is what is happening, and the help was offered.  My father and step-mother love me so unconditionally.  Sometimes I can be the biggest baby about things, and sometimes there are things I’m going through which they can’t possibly understand from my perspective, but they don’t care.  They just love, and they show it by doing as much as they possibly can, whenever they are able.

The problem is, they aren’t as able right now.  My step-mother just had knee replacement surgery, and my father is going to have a heart valve transplant sometime very soon.  But they were still there for me when I needed them, as much as they could be.  However, this time, during a crisis I was going through and I’m still going through they couldn’t offer as much as they’d like to be able to, and that meant I needed to grow up just a little bit.

That was very difficult for me at first.  I wanted more care than they were able to give, and I finally had to face that fact after a week of hell, and a trip to the emergency room because I thought something was horribly wrong with my stomach or abdomen, or I had some other major medical issue going on, only to be diagnosed with constipation.  That’s ok.  You can laugh. That shit really hurt man!

Then, quite frankly, I started to pray to my higher power.  Now, again, if I’m sitting in my living room saying, “God, please, I need your strength here!”, is anyone listening, or am I just affirming in my head, that I need help from something more than myself, and trying to work through how to get that help in my head.  The weirdness is not in the asking.  The weirdness is in the answers you get, and recognizing them.

At this point it was another family member who came through for me.  My aunt, who just lost her husband and my Uncle from cancer sent me an email one morning, asking me if I could help her with some computer problems.  I told her about my situation, and how debilitating it was for me, and that all I could offer was to keep in touch because I thought it would be good for the both of us.  I then asked her a question.  How is she coping?  Because she’s pretty depressed right now too.  She told me about how our grandmother used to make her make up her bed as soon as she got out of it, so she would at least have that to say she accomplished that day.  So for some reason, I got out of bed, I not only made my bed, but I finally changed the sheets, putting clean ones on, and then I put the dirty ones in the washing machine along with some other laundry I needed to do.  Then we chatted back and forth in email, and eventually she asked me a specific computer question, and it gave my mind something to do.

At first I just explained what it could be, and pushed it back on her.  But we kept chatting.  Then I decided to do some searching online, and I was able to at least partially find the answer to her problem and help her get it more under control.  I was still in a bad place, but my mindset had changed a bit.  Frankly, having something to do made me feel less depressed.  So we continued to chat, and I continued to pray.  I also had to make some very tough decisions about some things in my life which I will talk about in another post some time.

I started doing a few more, manageable tasks around the house.  More laundry, wash the dishes,  vacuum a little bit.  And then I allowed myself to take a break because I had accomplished some things that I needed to accomplish.

Another pretty much sleepless night went by, but I got up and took care of some things I needed do.  I went to a doctor’s appointment.  I had to take a cab there because of some other real (more than constipation) issues I’m dealing with right now, but I went.  I asked the doctor for help with some things and she went over and above to help me.  Certainly a higher power there.

Another sleepless night, still chatting with my aunt, still getting small, manageable tasks done, still praying.  By the way, my prayers were pretty simple.  “God, please help me to know what to do next.”

This time the answer came to make some phone calls, and I did.  I called very good friends.  That was today.  I had several phone conversations.  Then I got a ride to another doctor’s appointment from one of those friends.  Then I met my parents for lunch, and took care of some business that needed to be taken care of to make it easier for them to help me in ways that they could help me.  Then I met another person and took care of some more business that needed to get taken care of.  Then another friend picked me up, and we went to meet with some other friends.  I got home at about 8:30 after a very full day.  I made a few more phone calls.  And now I’m writing this.

Will I sleep tonight.  Who knows?  If my body needs sleep, I will sleep.  It will eventually come, but it sure will come a lot faster if I’m up and moving, and doing things and staying active.  By the way, I meantioned more phone calls.  Tomorrow is a very full day.  Thursday will have some activity in the evening, and I can always think about how to do more between now and then, and then make some more phone calls.  Oh, and I need to go grocery shopping.  Luckily the grocery store is in the same shopping center where my condo is.  I think I can manage a 3 block drive.  I was told so by one of my advocating friends..

So now it’s midnight.  I’m not really sleepy, but I’m tired, and that’s a good thing.  I have to deal with chronic pain, and managing that is tough because it adds to the depression causing the sleep issues which adds to the depression and yes I did mean to say depression three times.  But today was a good day.  I was up, and active, and tomorrow and the next day will be the same.

I’m certainly not out of the woods here.  I’ve got a lot more to do to get back into life.  Find a job for one, but I need to take care of myself first, and this one was a bit of a nose dive so I’ve still got some climbing to do, but I’m grateful, because I have help, from my higher power.  As long as I ask for it, and am able to recognize it when it is presented, it will always be there.  People, activity, things to think about.  They are keeping me sane, at least for now.

The Road to Gratitude

Not sure why this isn’t showing up on my computer and only my tablet, so I’m re blogging to see if it fixes the problem.

Creative thoughts and thoughtful opinions

So it’s almost 10:00 on a Tuesday evening, and I’m not tired yet.  I don’t want to watch TV.  I don’t really have anything to do, hmmm…  Oh!  I haven’t written in my blog in a while.

I haven’t really been doing much of anything lately to be honest with you.  When some stuff happened in my life, I crawled into a shell, and ultimately wound up extremely depressed.

Now first, I want to warn you, because I’m about to talk about God.  Not the traditional God that many people think of.  I’m not a Christian, and even though I’m Jewish I still don’t believe that Jewish parts of the Bible are meant to be taken literally.  I’m not even talking about an all powerful, omnicient being, that guides our every day lives.  In fact, I’m not talking about anything predefined.  The word God is what we use to describe…

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